This journey of She Blooms is one big journey inside.
After I have arrived in Africa I may first reset myself. My phone dies and with this the connection with my common network. My accommodation seemed to fit fantastic, although I realize that I made this decision mostly with my mind and I forgot to feel with my belly and heart. Today I read in the book of Chantal (on high heels in Africa) that when you step out of your comfort zone you tend to fall back in old patterns. I forgot that my keyword is to feel. To feel, feel and feel. And now here in my room in a backpacker hostel my body in healing. The last bits of diarrhea float out of my body, cleansing my system and I feel how nervous I am to really trust what I feel. Fear is in my way. It tries to get me back to my oh so strong ego, every time again. Afraid to make the wrong decision. And the failure I relate to that. Afraid of the reaction of other people. Afraid that I am not enough.
My return is though. Different than usual and again I may find my balance. I do not have to prove anything. I may be. I may forgive myself for my ‘wrong’ choices to learn to trust again that my belly and heart will show me my way. And bit by bit I learn. I learn to trust myself.